Apple Country in my head

From April 26 to June 9, 2024, I visited Austin, Texas for the first time.

In fact, it was my first time visiting the United States—or ‘Apple country’, as I sometimes secretly call ‘The States’ in my head, thinking it’s funny, knowing full well it’s probably not really funny. But in some way, it’s this combination that makes it funny for me. Anyway.

This post is not about explaining bad secret jokes. This post is an attempt to preserve the memories I’ve made so I can read them again in years and travel back in time with new associative thoughts. Also, writing about experiences is the most effective way that I have found to process what happened and clear my mind. It feels like allowing the past to become the past and getting ready for the future.

However, it’s also an invitation into my curated head where I try to strike a balance between personal stories that are hopefully interesting enough to trigger some thoughts in you, the reader, and private details encrypted between the lines for my future self. You might get to know me better or even find yourself in some lines. Maybe even literally because I might mention an interaction with you if we met in Austin.

Freedom and Options

The weekend before my flight to Austin, I attended the Bitcoin FilmFest in Warsaw, Poland. That trip served as a test if I could pack my bag efficiently and effectively. It’s been a while that I left the comfort of my familiar immediate environment.

I didn’t want to bring too much with me not only because I would have to carry it around but also because I would have to carry it around in my head. Maybe that was even more important to me. I saw this trip as my first chance to see how little I actually need to be happy. What would I think about and miss even during such a short trip (four nights)? And what only keeps me fixed in place; making it less convenient to pack up things and move somewhere else? Or even become (more or less) a digital nomad with no permanent home?

It turned out that in the case of being a nomad, I would definitely miss a good monitor setup and the option of playing piano. I would also miss the option of playing games on my powerful desktop PC if I’m ever again in the mood for it. It became clear that I would have to give up these day-to-day life options if I wanted to travel a lot and see the world.

But losing these options seemed at odds with feeling more free as a nomad. Wasn’t freedom about having a lot of options? Am I gaining or losing more options? Which options are more important to me?

I realized that quantifying freedom as merely a set of available options was wrong. For me, freedom isn’t about having many options; it’s about not falling victim to a daily routine in which I feel trapped and become unaware of my freedom. Freedom is a state of mind, and I believe that travelling the world is one option to insulate my mind from unfree thoughts.

lost+found

Where are my damn keys? Or should I maybe ask: where was my damn mind?

I didn’t pack my bag until the night before my flight to Austin. I failed the test to pack my bag for Warsaw efficiently because I didn’t wear half of the clothes that I brought with me. So I said to myself that Austin is going to be different. I am going to travel to Austin with as little baggage as possible.

Austin was going to be different anyway because I was going to stay for six weeks instead of just four nights. If I needed something, I could simply buy it there and it wouldn’t be such a waste as if I had to buy something just for a few days. So as the days passed by, packing my bag wasn’t as much on my mind as if it might have been if I was more worried about forgetting something I couldn’t replace.

This lead to me not sleeping the night before the flight because I realized that this was the first and last time to check if I really didn’t forget anything. And maybe I was also a little excited.

While repeatedly checking if I had forgotten anything or if I should leave something behind, I realized I couldn’t find my keys. I was sure I put them in my bag already but it didn’t matter how many times I checked, they weren’t where they were supposed to be. I looked at the clock and realized it was 4am and I had to leave in one hour.

This is what I deserve for not packing my bag earlier.

I kept checking and checking but I couldn’t find them. I thought I was going crazy. They just disappeared.

This is the absolute worst timing to lose my keys. I can’t believe how much I suck at living.

With my time running out, I decided that this wasn’t my problem but a problem for my future self in six weeks and I left to catch the bus to the airport.

After I arrived at the airport and had some sleep in the bus, I had some spare time. I decided to check my bag again since I still couldn’t believe that I lost them even though I didn’t care as much anymore. To my surprise, I immediately found them: They were in the pocket where I always put them, just a little deeper. I was relieved and noted that I still didn’t learn how state of minds work. I have no idea how I missed them during my frantic search at home.

Bitcoin, you say? Come with us

Anything you say can and will be used against you.

The day before my flight, I read the news about Samourai. I wondered if there could have been a worse time to fly to the US for something related to Bitcoin.

I was hoping that I didn’t have to mention Bitcoin at all at the airport or during entry but I was also sure that I wasn’t going to lie. If they weren’t satisfied with my answer that I am here for a conference and wanted to know its name, I would say that it’s btc++, hoping that they don’t get that “btc” means Bitcoin and ask more questions. But if they did, I would always tell them anything they wanted to know but never more. I hoped that strategy wouldn’t seem suspicious. I tried to convince myself that I could be simply tired or didn’t want to waste their time with information they didn’t ask for. I was no criminal even though I felt like one. I felt like I had to pretend I was innocent. Just like a criminal.

Admittedly, I was already thinking a lot about this part of my journey even before I read the Samourai news. During booking the flight, I briefly considered if I should time my arrival in such a way that it’d be right before a shift change is more likely. This would mean it’s more likely that I would get a tired agent during entry that didn’t care as much and just wanted to go home. I was probably reading too much Art of Deception.

I knew I was overthinking it, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s simply part of who I am, no? All I could do was laugh at some of my ridiculous thoughts, like when I sat next to a seemingly abandoned suitcase and wondered if it was going to blow up.

Reality Check

The flights operated by American Airlines, the layover at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport (no public free Wi-Fi, wtf?) and the final admission to entry in Austin were mostly uneventful. I was only asked by a disinterested lady what the purpose of my visit was while she checked my passport. My answer “conference” was apparently good enough for her. If I recall correctly, she never even looked at me once.

Excited to finally be able to move around freely again, I passed a sign that mentioned that after this point, there is no going back. I took the stairs down to the entry hall and left the airport straight away. That’s when the humidity and heat of Austin, Texas struck me for the first time. I knew it would be much warmer in Texas than in Southern Germany, but experiencing the sudden shift from the air-conditioned hall to the outside still gave me a needed reality check. It was late in the evening, already dark and not even June yet. I immediately missed the pleasant weather and fresh breezes of late spring in Germany. But maybe I would learn to drink enough water per day here.

PlebLab

supertestnet introducing me to everyone; ek vs ek-zee-kee-yas
first conversation with plebpoet
first conversation with bitcoinplebdev which included how bullish he is on SN; feelings of not wanting to disappoint people
first conversation with k00b (“you’re tall!” - “and you’re not too short!”)
Car’s playful banter about how cascdr founder will drive me crazy because I claimed the desk next to him but I said in a cool way to both of them: “maybe I will calm him down instead”
conversation with niftynei; me apologizing for the awkward handshake at btc++ Berlin 2023 and hoping that she forgot and she fortunately did
awkward “wanted to talk to you because you talked to me” to plebpoet
impostor syndrome
Car being the social glue between socially awkward developers (“every hackerspace needs a Car”)
happy that I could help supertestnet with some notation in a paper about cryptography (or rather confirm what he was already assuming) and witness the birth of Emessbee
first times SNL; how having three people on the show didn’t really work (this initial impression of me was confirmed by Car later); how I never watched the episodes because I didn’t want to hear me talk
having fun late in the evening helping plebpoet with cutting stuff while supertestnet was recording a music video; plebpoet showing supertestnet how to do the Mashed Potato dance
trying to see everyone more as “normal people” instead of intimidating “shadowy super coders”

appreciation of plebpoet’s approachable nature

janetyellen being the most American person I’ve met in a good and bad way (talks a lot of shit but in a funny way)
BlueSlime just being super chill all the time and being the “Hack and Tell”-guy for me

The floor is enough

spontanenous invitation to Car’s place: “Do you want to watch a movie at Car’s place with super?” - “Let’s do it!”
realization of how talking to Car or supertestnet is unusually easy for me
considered to bring my toothbrush with me (place where I was staying was nearby) but stayed silent (didn’t want to arrange the words in my head and I didn’t want to bother them with waiting for me)
“wild life”?
we watched Minority Report
sleeping on the floor as I was warned about before but it was actually pretty decent; I’d do it again

Cascdr party

how I was almost nice to k00b’s wife by introducing myself to her and giving her someone to talk to since she was standing alone in the back just like me before I knew it was her but I didn’t because I was too anxious (it would have been so cool!)
I was working on the wallets and they didn’t let me go so I couldn’t enjoy myself + I am awkward at parties anyway
I wanted to simply continue to work but that made me feel even more awkward since everyone else was having a good time (party was inside PlebLab)
it became too much and I left, telling myself I just need a walk and I’ll be back soon
I came back after many hours and I was terrified that the party was still going on
I decided to lock myself in the shower to hide and sleep (there was a tiny bench inside on which I curled up with a stack of paper towels as a pillow) because my stuff was still inside PlebLab and I was too scared to go in
security knocked and asked wtf I am doing in there for so long and I simply said I am waiting until the party is over so I can grab my stuff and he said “okay” as if hiding and sleeping in the shower is a very normal thing to do

lost+found II

lost my phone at my last day in Austin
met a couple in the lobby and got into a pretty deep conversation about America, bitcoin and the Ukraine war with them (they were from Ukraine)
when I casually told them at the end that I am searching for my phone, they mentioned they found a phone in the restroom yesterday and they gave it to the restaurant in the same building and it was indeed mine!

Welcome to American Airlines

return flight: “we don’t have you on our list” even though I clearly had a valid boarding pass
getting a seat in the emergency exit row which had a lot of leg room and was next to the restroom: from possible no flight to the best flight I ever had
watching a ton of movies including Dune Part 2

random

first person that I asked for help in Austin couldn’t speak English
really unfriendly person at Firehouse Hostel because I asked them where I can find the laundry detergent; he was annoyed that I’ve never seen laundry detergent pods before; his huge forced smile and pretense of being friendly and helpful made it worse (“you look like a smart person so HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW TO USE DETERGENT PODS? DO YOU NOT HAVE THEM IN GERMANY???”); after he “explained” it to me, I didn’t want to trust my clothes with his explanation so I simply walked 2 miles to the next laundry; almost left a bad review because of this but I simply left no review
SIM card from travelSIM wasn’t working (fml)
btc++ and afterparty with drinks paid by BTC sessions iirc
finally introducing myself to benthecarman after missing many opportunities because I assumed many people do and I didn’t want to be another potentially annoying person (unreasonably intimidated of assumed celebrity status of Ben); felt like I owed an introduction to him because I knew that it was him so he should know that this is me
intrigued by how I consistently had fun conversations with the guys from Bitscript